A great article (or rant if you want to call it that) written by Chris Kelsall (here’s a link to his blog). A warning however, it may be considered offensive - reader discretion recommended.

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The B$ factor explodes this time of year; wicked fulminations of unadulterated bovine excrement are disgorged, exciting the masses. Myths are created, lies are spewed and the marketing that festered all year in the advertising cesspool, may now be leeching into your television set, internet, radio, billboards, magazines, competitive events, newspapers, buses, windows of mini-vans (as tax write-offs) and anywhere, where messaging may be promulgated.

I am fully in support of creative advertising methods and stimulating marketing concepts, it’s become a bit of an art, Andy Warhol notwithstanding. For all of you who made a New Years resolution a couple months ago, centered on weight loss, exercise increase or breaking a vice, here are just a few prevaricators to avoid:

Jenny Craig

Jenny Craig is one of the good players in the mastodonic weight reduction racket. However; the nicest of the scammers, is still a scammer.

Their whole pitch is based on the benefits of no work somehow nets results. They hook victims up as members, for a fee, plus the cost of food.

Recently while browsing their website I discovered that for as low as $6 per month, plus the cost of food, you too may be accepted in the fold of the gullible and wretched.

There is mention of not changing your lifestyle, by doing it the Jenny way.

There is a quote promising, “with Jenny Craig you don’t have to be a celebrity to look like one, this, below a picture of a newly emaciated and blonde Kirstie Alley, a celeb, no less.

She is not necessarily healthy, because she is thinner. I bet good food after bad, she cannot run to the limo much faster than when she was obese. That was her problem, lifestyle that’s how she got obese to begin with.

So it is safe to assume that if her lifestyle did not change, it must be liposuction and a round of ‘how do ya do’ with the bronzed pool boy, which resulted in her weight reduction.

The pool boy action does count as exercise!

Jenny Craig does provide an aggressive caloric reduction regime, which is possibly a good idea; balancing the percentages of fats, proteins and carbohydrates. In principle it has potential.

I noticed no mention of whole foods and the circumstance that they provide a supply of necessary vitamins, minerals, fiber and antioxidants that the prepackaged foods JC require you to purchase (some in advance) cannot possibly provide. There is not a mere utterance about good and bad cholesterol at least not that I could identify.

The visually challenged sheep continue to be sightless, yet somehow aren’t wary of the grinning shepherd perched upon the grassy knoll.

Lastly the Jenny Craig automaton assigned to counsel you through your weight reduction program is not necessarily a registered dietitian, she is trained by Jenny Craig, the company.

Tip: Put down the doughnuts and ding dongs and take a walk.

Atkins Diet

Atkins Diet is another of the gregarious bovine leavings to avoid.

To me it is as medically fraudulent as popping pseudoephedrine for weight loss purposes. If you are that lazy, seducing the canine may become just slightly more agitating.

Picture a fat guy, jittery on the couch, missing the enter button on the remote…click…click….click…channel 999…

The Atkins Diet requires you to restrict all carbohydrates.

What if THAT isn’t your problem?

What if you eat whale carcasses in front of the television; how is that going to help you? What if you pop a protein and fat rich (good fat) peanut every time you blink?

12 blinks per minute x 60 minutes per hour x 24 hours a day = 17,280 blinks per day. Give or take a blink. THIS IS A PRODIGOUS QUANTITY OF PEANUTS!

Where is the education?

When restricting ALL carbohydrates, you are restricting many vitamins, minerals, antioxidants sources of fiber and micro nutrients necessary for good health, which are bountifully supplied in fresh fruit and vegetables.

Atkins sells their own line of food, lovingly prepared and packaged as ‘Advantage’, as if their food is better than the way nature made it.

Atkins died an obese man.

Curves for Women

Okay this at least is a decent program, but again requires membership and ongoing payments in addition to the original start up fee.

Curves require you to exercise for 30 minutes per workout, using various machines quickly, with the objective of keeping the heart rate up. I like this however, there is a shortcoming:

30 minutes of steady exercise requires the energy output to maybe burn through a small handful of trail mix. This is not enough; especially as one becomes fitter!

There are phases to the diet, which are explained shortly after parolee is informed that this is a program where you don’t have to experience a lifestyle change.

Well, which way is it going to be then?

Lifestyle change is precisely what most people need; to not sit on the couch from 7 to 10 pm, eating chips and whale carcasses.

I would suggest Curves for a person who has never exercised and never watched their diet, for one year then move on…graduate to something real, like Bootcamp!

Herbal Magic

What a name! ‘Herbal Magic’.

Okay pull a rabbit out of a hat and make Oprah Winfrey stay thin or stay plump, but stay. Good luck with that hat-trick, you’ll need it.

Here is a quote from the herbal magician’s website, where they utilize healthy manifestations of pseudo, post-modern pagans…

The natural herbal supplements, vitamins, and minerals used throughout your weight management program help you maintain lean body mass, resulting in a healthy appearance and more efficient metabolism. When combined with sensible eating habits and proper lifestyle changes, our specially designed formulations will help:

Let’s dissect this paragraph for a moment, shall we?

‘the natural herbal supplements, vitamins and minerals….’

Natural is precisely what they are not! Vitamins and minerals morph from their state of natural to unnatural, during the phase of manufacturing to becoming a supplement for packaging, never mind the grotesque concept of popping pills to solve a lifestyle issue.

‘resulting in a healthy appearance…’

Elite athletes drop dead on occasion, they too appear(ed) healthy (RIP), but inside they may be a single LDL deposit away from cardiac arrest or some disgusting, inveterate addiction.

‘when designed with proper lifestyle changes…’

Okay, finally one of these charlatans admits that the wretched and forsaken need a lifestyle change. Is it now time to put down the whale carcass and take a walk, yet? Have we advanced beyond the snake oil salesman grandstanding on the back of a flatbed?

Of course these illusionists pedal their own wares. Check out some solid opinion here on their scam-not-scam-magic-not-magic-scam.

Shannon W has this to say and asks for comments: http://www.dietfraud.com/Dietcraze/scams_herbalmagic.html

“Crazy isn’t it? The initial start up with their starter kit was $1200, they are very pushy and I thought I had to buy the starter kit, for an extra 350, which is a total rip off, for a canvas bag some bars and a few other things, total rip off, the 800 start up fee is for their support you have to go in 3x a week. Anyways, it costs 57 a week for the pills and an additional 30 a month for the rest of the pills,”

A little uncommon sense can go a long way to better health. There are no secret formulas, shortcuts or magic pills to forgive your vices of couch surfing and irresponsible eating.

The medical industry may not thank you, but your friendly neighborhood taxpayer will.

The diet fraud-not fraud racket is estimated to be a growing $40 billion dollar industry in the US.